Saturday, April 14, 2007

Giving In

They keep coming back, the demons in black. Their faces are disfigured, their hands are claws. They keep coming back. How can I make them stay away, how can I satisfy their hunger? Each time, I give them something, something precious to me, some bit of me that I shall have to learn to live without. Soon, I shall have nothing left to give, and then they shall take away the thing they want, the thing they keep coming back for. It's inevitable.

Each time they come, I struggle with the despair. Each time, I am tempted to end it, to give them what they seek. Each time, the part of me that is still alive, that can still remember the swaying trees of childhood and the scent of the sea wind, wins somehow. I don't know how long it can hold out. And it's pointless - a last battle in a war that has already been lost.

If I end it this time, I can escape the struggle. I can escape the despair, the gloom, the ennui of existence. Let me do it, God. Let my stubbornness seep away and let me give in. Let me give in.
• • •

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Red Day

It was going to be a red day. The sun rose early, bleeding over the city ruthlessly. The tops of buildings and trees and hills turned red and then yellow and then white. Everyone knew what was going to happen. Everyone waited breathlessly.

It began in the East, across the Yamuna. Screams and cries echoed over the water. Smoke curled up, dark and threatening, like an approaching thunderstorm. People looked to the East, eyes sheltered, and then retreated into whatever safety they thought they had found. The safety of their religion, the safety of their friends, the safety, perhaps, of violence.

It continued. Blood flowed down from the East to the West. Rumours would have flowered, except they could find no soil. No one spoke to one another. Neighbours had become possible foes, friends had become possible victims. Only family counted - family, and religion. Every other bond had broken down.

It ended at dusk. The sun turned red for the second time that day, but the city - the city had been red all along.

Powered by ScribeFire.

• • •

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Wind - II

It was misfortune. Yes, it was. Couldn't have happened otherwise. She slipped and fell. There was no earthly reason for her to - no, I won't think about it. She wouldn't have done that to me. To us. Look at him, sitting there. Why did we let her go? Knowing her, how careless she is, how she sometimes doesn't quite live in this world. She must have gone to the edge to look at the ocean. She must have seen it below her, blue and green and white. And then.

How could it have happened? Did God see her through a parting in the clouds? Did He see her standing there, a beautiful slender little thing on the edge of that black black cliff? Was there a ray of sunshine on her, making her hair golden and her eyes wistful? Did He suddenly want her back? Did He send a spurt of wind to bring her back to Him?

Or did she want to go back to Him?

Powered by ScribeFire.
• • •

Wind

She loves the wind. She loves the way it tugs at her hair. She loves that free-floating feeling it gives her. The wind brings with it the sound of sea gulls from the sea shore below. The smell of the salty sea as it breaks on the rocks. She wishes she could live on wind - eat it, drink it, float along with it. Maybe in the next life. She spreads her arms and leans forward and lets the wind take her.

• • •

Friday, February 16, 2007

IIFT GD/PI

Venue: IIFT Bhawan, Delhi.
Time: 15th Feb, 2006, 9:30 AM.

Gave my first proper interview of the season yesterday.

I got there at about a quarter past nine, feeling very grown-up in my brand new black Van Heusen suit, black 'formal' shoes and pearl earrings stolen from my mother. I was clutching a black folder with my meagre collection of certificates filed inside. My parents wished me 'Best of luck' and I walked in. The guard directed me to the building in front, and I went straight through. A series of people directed me to a room on the first floor (it was actually the second floor, but the ground floor is called basement for some reason.) where there were a whole lot of other people sitting in tense anticipation.

I took my seat, signed the attendance sheet and was given a sheet of paper for the essay. There were still ten-fifteen minutes to go for 9:30, so I looked around at my other competitors. Most were in suits. The handful of girls were all in black suits, I noticed, except for a girl in a salwar-kameez. The girl next to me smiled and asked my name. I replied, but we didn't speak much after that. The minutes ticked by, with more people coming in.

Finally, at nine-thirty, a Professor came in, told us what we would be judged on (content, clarity of thought, and language) and gave us the topic - "Transformation of Indian Cinema." Brilliant, I thought, now what do I do? Couldn't they have given us something like SEZ's or M&A's or something? Anyway, I managed to write something or the other. Covered both sides of the sheet at any rate. Wrote about the challenges facing Indian cinema today - how Bollywood is often considered synonymous with Indian cinema, and also about censorship. I wrote the last word a second before the twenty minutes ended, so didn't have much time to proof-read.

Afterwards, we went to the rooms where we were supposed to have the GD's. The topic was "The Indian electronic media is highlighting trivial issues." There were eleven people in the group, nine guys plus two girls, and each of us was supposed to speak for a minute and a half on the subject first. I thought this would the worst part, but I did well enough. Didn't manage to finish my points though, so my speech didn't have too much structure.

The discussion itself was pretty much a disaster. We could have discussed so much - TV, radio, the internet, mobile content - but no, we chose to restrict ourselves to TV, and that too, to news channels. Some people tried to bring in new angles, but they weren't taken up, and the discussion kept jumping from one place to another to another and then back. We kept bringing up the same examples again, despite the moderator having told us in the beginning, after having listened to our speeches, that he expected us to go beyond the topic itself and discuss improvements and so on.

I did contribute, but couldn't express myself well at all. I'm so angry with myself, because I didn't use the one advantage I had over the others, which was my comfort with English. I kept being short of words for some reason. I used such cliched expressions and awkward phrases, that thinking of them makes me wince even now.

Afterwards, the interview. I was fifth in line, so didn't have to wait too long, because they have ten-fifteen minute interviews at IIFT. Don't want to do a post-mortem of that, because I'm convinced that the interview didn't put me in a good enough light at all. The very first question was about my poor marks, and I wasn't able to justify my results properly.

So in the final analysis, I don't think I'll get though, because my interview and GD were both pretty average. There are about 90 seats on offer at IIFT Delhi, and around 1100 calls, so the whole thing would have had to be pretty exceptional for me to get a final call, and it wasn't.
• • •

Sunday, January 21, 2007

XAT results

If you think that this blog is turning into a place where I record all the calls I get - you're quite right! Cuz I have another! XAT results came out yesterday, and I got 99.67 percentile! Ha! Feline creatures of the world can go die for all I care!

Seriously, though - XAT was the best paper out of all the exams this year. CAT gave too much of an advantage to people good at quant, IIFT was a paper no one could make head or tail of, and SNAP was an insult to one's intelligence. XAT, on the other hand, was well-balanced and didn't give too much of an advantage to anyone. They even had a section on case studies, which I think is something a management exam should, ideally, have. Never mind that no one really attempted it. Also dude, they were giving out free coffee at my XAT centre! Just the thing on a cold winter morning. And the results were declared with in two weeks too! Unlike CAT which took a month and a half. And lest you think that this is sour grapes, I did get a call from IIFT and IIMA (a miracle, with 98.61 percentile) and I cleared the SIBM cutoff by twenty-three marks. (Good thing I didn't apply.)

Overall, the XAT results have left me quite content. Begone, feline monsters that told me I sucked at Verbal Ability! Begone, creatures that whispered that I couldn't do well just when it mattered!

As I posted on PagalGuy yesterday, if the way the institutes conduct their exams were a reflection of how good they are, God save the IIM's!
• • •

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

On Top of the World

If you'd asked me before November 19th, 2006 if I thought I would "bell" the CAT, I would have told you that I was confident of getting a ninety-nine percentile, but not of clearing all the sectional cut-offs.

Which goes to show why you must never ever think you "know" CAT. They removed the English Usage section, which was what used to get me a ninety-nine point whatever percentile, but the other sections went well, and I was hopeful, since no one seemed to be able to give the correct answer key for the English section.

I got a 98.6 percentile in CAT 2006. Cleared all the sectional cut-offs with above 96 in two sections and above 95 in one. I got to know the result yesterday, and I was absolutely down-in-the-dumps because it seemed to rule out the top three IIM's.

So today morning, my parents woke me up at six to check the IIMA call list. I got up reluctantly, because I "knew" that I wouldn't make it through. "Just tell us your registration number," they said. "We'll check it." Of course, I couldn't let them do that, and I checked it myself. But the page wasn't loading.

So I went to PagalGuy, to check what people were saying there. And on the IIMA call thread, I learnt that IIMA had mentioned the selection criteria (I suppose because they knew they would have to do it eventually, thanks to the RTI Act) - candidates whose percentile in each section was above 95.33 and who have an overall percentile above 98.3 have been called for the GD & PI. Oh man, I couldn't sit still after reading that!

But the page still wasn't loading! Ah, such agonizing minutes. But finally it did load, and I keyed in my number and date of birth, and TADA!

You have been short-listed for Group Discussion and Personal Interview for admission to PGP (2007-2009 batch), IIMA. You are requested to visit the website on or after January 10, 2007 to check for Interview date, time and venue.

You will receive our official letter soon.

Whee! Did I mention that I love the world? And all that's in it? Which includes you?

I don't care if I'm at a disadvantage among all those ninety-nine percentile engineers with work-ex. I'm a fresher and I got a call! 1,53,000 people wrote it, 608 people got calls in the General category, and I'm one of them. Damn, but this feels good.
• • •