Left Right Left (Malayalam) - Movie Review

I don't usually take a lot of time to get a movie out of my head. A good night's sleep is usually enough to wipe the movie from my mind.

But somehow, with Left Right Left, it's not happening. It's been two days, but I'm still caught in the magic of the movie. I can't figure out why. Is it the movie itself - is it the great script, the gritty characters, the brilliant acting and the addictive music? Or is it that the movie awakened the deeply-buried kernel of communism that exists inside every mallu, never mind the three years she has spent in the corporate world?

Coming out of the theater on Monday night, I found it tough to get back to reality. Suddenly, my own life seemed very ordinary, my own concerns very petty. Where was the headiness, the romance, the sheer willingness to fight for something, that the movie had just shown me?

Yes, the movie is THAT good.

LRL is a very harsh depiction of politics in Kerala today. It focuses on communism, and somehow manages to both romanticize and criticize it at the same time. It shows us the sacrifices people have made for the fictional Revolutionist Party of India (Marxist) or RPI (M) since the beginning, and how it has lost its way today. Nobody is spared - not the two main leaders (easily identifiable in the movie), not the party's youth wing, not even the people who're trying to criticize it from the outside. The movie has seen a slightly controversial release, because one of the two identifiable characters is cast as a corrupt man, a man who will stop at nothing to maintain his hold on power.

But wait - let's begin at the beginning. LRL follows the lives of three characters - a Marxist leader named Kaitheri Sahadevan, a corrupt policeman named Jayan, and an erstwhile Communist youth leader named 'Che Guevara' Roy. Apart from these three, there are some other minor story-lines as well. There are two journalists - ex-members of the RPI (M) - who publish an explosive story about Sahadevan's corruption, and are forced to go on the run. There is a nurse who is trying to escape her violently abusive and unstable husband. There is 'Che Guevara' Roy's wife, a former Communist herself, who is trying to make her husband take care of his weak heart.

The script is based on the tenet that a man is part genetic material, part something unknown and part what he sees and goes through as a child. And so the movie begins with three scenes - one each from each man's childhood. Kaitheri Sahadevan's uncle is murdered by the landlords; his father goes out to avenge him, and never returns. Roy's father is murdered during the Emergency - right in front of Roy's eyes. Jayan's sister is dying of TB, and a policeman tries to help out with money he has accepted as a bribe. So Jayan decides two things - he will become a policeman, and he will earn a lot of money. 

My favourite thread in the movie was that of Roy and his wife Anna. Roy has visible scars, a limp, a dysfunctional left hand. But we're not told how he came by these. We only get hints that it's linked to his commmunist past. The story gradually builds up, till it's explosively revealed. (Though it IS a bit jarring to hear two Communist sakhaavs breaking into English while talking to each other. There's also a scene where Anna breaks into a Spanish song about Che Guevara, and I went, "Huh?")

The film's main strengths are a set of extremely real and gritty characters, and some great acting - mostly by people I'd never seen before. The actor playing Kaitheri Sahaedevan seemed to fill the screen with a magnetic presence (something that the person the character is based on isn't exactly known for). Indrajith as Jayan played the role of a lifetime. I haven't generally been a fan of Murali Gopy's acting, but he puts in a brilliant performance here as 'Che Guevara' Roy. Even Lena, whom I hadn't thought of as a great actor before, puts in an amazing performance as Roy's wife. 

Murali Gopy as 'Che Guevara' Roy

The other factor that makes the movie so absorbing is the music. I've had the LRL Anthem on repeat for the past three days. The background score is brilliant as well - it helps create that Communist chora-thilapp. 

Since I loved LRL so much, I'm now determined to watch Ee Adutha Kalathu, this director-writer duo's previous movie. 

5 Sundarikal - Movie Review

The other day, I was feeling really glad about being a mallu. The specific context was accidentally coming across the below song. I'm so glad that I can enjoy the incredible beauty of that first line. Somebody on YouTube has tried to translate Sooryakireedam veenudanju ravin thiru arangil as, "The crown of the sun falls and shatters in the sacred stage of the night." Meh - it's so funny that even the translations that convey the literal meaning of the line can never capture the essence and the beauty. 

But tonight, I'm feeling glad about being a mallu for another reason altogether. I'm so glad that I know there are better movies being made in India than the ones Bollywood churns out. I'm so glad that I don't think Aamir Khan is the last word when it comes to "good" cinema (quite a few people do believe that, by the way). Call me parochial, and see if I care. Considering that it's always Bollywood movies that become India's official nominees for the Oscars, I really don't care if I'm parochial.

Tonight, I watched 5 Sundarikal (literally, Five Beautiful Women), a compilation of five short movies in Malayalam, directed by five different directors. And it was so worth it. I sat there feeling absolutely complacent and content. The quality of music in Malayalam cinema might have gone down since the days of Sooryakireedam, but Malayalam cinema as a whole is staging a comeback alright - and how!

Or is my over-reaction caused by the fact that the last movie I watched was Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, which (I now realize) was the most atrocious piece of junk ever? Quite possibly. Many may dismiss at least a couple of the movies in 5 Sundarikal as needless tugging of the heart-strings, but I don't think anybody would be able to dismiss them as ordinary or stereotypical in any way.

And it's nothing to do with the acting, by the way. Though the films boast some of the biggest 'new names' in Malayalam cinema (Kavya Madhavan, Biju Menon, Fahadh Faasil, Dulquer Salman, Nivin Pauly, etc), the directors and the script-writers are clearly the stars here. And that, to me, is a sign of good cinema. If the movie doesn't depend on the stardom of the lead actor, if any good actor could have done that role without compromising the movie - that's good cinema.

It may seem contradictory, but the short format seems to have given the directors the luxury of taking their time. Most of the movies build up very slowly - layer upon layer till the inexorable ending. The first movie especially was beautiful. I was thinking, "No no no.... Don't let that be happening..." all the way to the ending. Two of the other movies have twisty endings that you don't see coming. The only movie I didn't particularly like was the second one, which was slightly random and pointless. 

So if you're a mallu - go watch this movie. If you're not - well, too bad for you.

Ten Questions YJHD* Left Me With

*Where YJHD refers to Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani.

1. Do all medical students wear mini-skirts and short dresses?
2. From which shop did Deepika Padukone's character buy Bausch & Lomb contact lenses in the middle of the Himalayan mountains? Not to mention the white hot-pants?
3. Why does IMDb say that the movie is 130 minutes long when it is CLEARLY at least four and a half hours long?
4. What percentage of the movie's budget was devoted to Deepika Padukone's clothes?
5. And on the subject of her clothes, what was that pink thing she was wearing? Surely it was too small to be a bra?
6. Does Kalki Koechlin not eat?
7. Does Ranbir Kapur ever play characters that are NOT fun and awesome and happy-go-lucky at the beginning of the movie and all mature and grown-up at the end?
8. Has the movie's director ever heard of this concept called - editing?
9. Why did I not take along at least one rotten tomato for the scene where [SPOILER ALERT BUT NOT REALLY] the two lead characters spend five torturous minutes declaring their love for each other?
10. Why did the audience not collectively shoot its own brains off when the n+1-th song started?
11. [Bonus extra question since you read till the end] How does Holi happen two weeks AFTER Ranbir Kapoor is shown eating a mango? 

A is for Amen: A Movie Review

This post is part of the A2Z Challenge.

These days, it seems like every other new Malayalam movie features Fahadh Faasil in some role or the other. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I've been a fan of the guy ever since I watched Chaappan Kurishu (I still don't know how that's pronounced). And the fan-dom is just growing with each new movie of his that I watch.

Amen is the latest of these. The story is set in a small village in Kerala, called Kumaramkari. Kumaramkari is your typical Kuttanaadan town, beautiful almost beyond belief. Water meets sky meets land everywhere. People travel around by boat. Petty rivalries abound, as usually does happen in cutoff places.

The movie follows several threads, all inter-connected. There is the love story of Solomon and Sosanna, which seems doomed - she is the daughter of a rich contractor, and he is the wastrel son of the late clarinet player of the church band. The church and its band form the other focal point. The church authorities seem corrupted by their power, whereas the band hasn't won the local band competition in many years, and seems unlikely to. Kumaramkari really needs a saviour, to rescue it from the mire it has fallen into.

Could it be that the new 'small priest' of the church is this saviour? Father Vincent Vattolly is dashing, looks faintly like a plump Jesus Christ, rides a Bullet, plays the guitar. His arrival in Kumaramkari throws everything into a turmoil.

So far, so good. Unfortunately, the movie starts to go slightly off-track from here.

The main problem with the movie is that there are just too many things happening. The director seems to love his characters and setting so much that he delves much deeper into their lives than he needs to - never mind if the viewers are interested or not. The movie could easily have been half an hour shorter without anyone missing anything.

The other annoying thing is the crassness. Amen starts off with a wonderful animated sequence featuring three cute angels and a foot-tapping song. Unfortunately, it then jumps into a sequence which ends with a packet of shit being splattered all over a crowded lunch table. Fart jokes abound throughout, as do people who like to throw chicken curry all over each other. The young men in the audience seemed to enjoy all these antics though.

Despite this, Amen is held together by three things - its wonderful setting, its church, and its music. The place is a cameraman's fantasy - lush greenery, grey backwaters, blue skies. Kuttanaad itself seems to be one of the characters in the movie. The church (which is introduced to us as the place where St George appeared in person to scare off Tipu Sultan's army) is also a larger than life presence throughout. And the music - it's fresh, foot-tapping, very different from the usual horrible stuff we hear these days. 

Every single one of the actors does a fantastic job. Fahadh is beyond brilliant - those who've only seen him in Chaappa Kurishu will have a tough time believing this is the same guy. (Those who've seen Natholi Oru Cheriya Meenalla won't have much trouble though.) Indrajith seems to have been born just to play Father Vattolly - he's that perfect here. Kalabhavan Mani seems to be trying to step into the void left behind by Thilakan - there's even a shot of him praying to a photo of Thilakan just before the final performance.

I also enjoyed all the pop culture references. Aside from the nod to Thilakan, the movie also features Vikraman and Muthu as two gundas hired to 'take care of' Solomon - complete with the original costumes! 

For a change, the female lead's character is strong - she can take care of herself. She's the strong one in the Solomon-Sosanna relationship. She even smashes Vikraman's face in with a frying pan! 

Amen is a love story to Kuttanaad and to a certain way of living. It's not fast or tightly edited, but it does relish the politics of small communities. It celebrates music - be it the energy of the band playing to a crowd, or the sad wailing of the clarinet on a full moon night. It puts a small village on a big canvas, and succeeds to a surprising extent.

So go watch Amen if you have some patience. Make sure that you're willing to sink into another world entirely without being tempted to look at your watch every half an hour - you'll enjoy it. 

****

Aside: I love the fact that Malayalam cinema seems to be climbing up out of the sinkhole it had fallen into a few years ago, when the superstars were picking the most horrible movies, and it seemed like the Golden Age was past. Misogyny seemed to rule in movies that called themselves 'family dramas'. Recent movies, part of the 'New Generation' or 'New Wave' or whatever it's called, feature fresh young actors and experimental directors. They are choosing to work on innovative scripts, and superstars are being rejected in favour of fresh faces. I really hope this trend continues. 

Pazhassi Raja

If you're a true-blue Malayali, you have to be in one of two camps - the Mammootty camp or the Mohanlal camp. A minority might have sprung up recently claiming to like Dileep/Jayaram/Prithviraj, but I discount them. The Mammootty versus Mohanlal debate is too deeply entrenched in the blood of every Malayali.

Me, I'm a Mammootty fan through and through. I might like some of Mohanlal's earlier movies, but Mammootty has so much style, so much panache. I remember the exact moment I gave my heart to him. Anybody remember the movie The King? It featured Mammootty in the role of a dashing, rebellious District Collector, seemingly fighting all the crooked politicians on his own. Saying that it was not one of his best roles would be the understatement of the millennium. But "Wow!" thought my impressionable eight-year-old mind, and promptly surrendered itself.

And so, a decade and a half later, we come to Pazhassi Raja. I am no history buff, let me warn you at the outset - especially when it comes to Kerala. Before the movie was released, if you had asked me who Pazhassi Raja was, I would have probably guessed that he was a Tamil king from the seventh or eighth century. Obviously, I wouldn't have known that his real name was Kerala Varma Pazhassi Raja. Yup, that's how far my knowledge of history goes.

I went for Pazhassi Raja for three reasons. One, that it featured Mammootty, of course. That too, in a role that reminded me of Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha. (By the way, check out the two screenshots below. Almost wenty years between the two movies, but what has changed? Even the user ratings are the same!)



Secondly, because it seemed to offer a treat for the eyes, set as it is in Wayanad, in my opinion THE most beautiful region in Kerala. And thirdly, well - it's a must-watch for every Malayali this year, isn't it?

Trust me, Pazhassi Raja doesn't disappoint on any count. The movie offers everything - political intrigue, mesmerizing battles, an excellent cast, enough history for those interested. And yet it leaves you thirsting for more, wanting to find out more about this incredible man, the 'Lion of Kerala'. Mammootty holds back on the glamour and gives a restrained performance that is well worth applauding - especially in the later scenes in which Pazhassi is holed up in a makeshift camp in the mountains of Wayanad, injured and apparently losing the battle with the British.

But what I liked most was the fact that the film does not belong to Mammootty or Pazhassi Raja in any way. The entire cast pulls out incredible performances - especially Sarath Kumar as Edachena Kunkan Nair, the Commander of Pazhassi's armies. The last fight scene he features in and the aftermath - I had goosebumps, I tell you. I also liked Padmapriya's performance as Neeli, the gutsy leader of the Adivasi women fighting for Pazhassi Raja.

The battle scenes are to die for, no pun intended. Well, you can't call them battle scenes because Pazhassi seemed to believe in oliporu - I guess that would translate best as guerilla warfare. So you have the red-coats trotting complacently through the lush green forests of Wayanad, only to be beset from all sides by well-camouflaged Adivasis. Later on, there is also the excellently-shot pre-dawn storming of a fort, and the final battle on a hill-top. A few gruesome hangings also happen along the way.

A minor point is the length - at 200 minutes, it's easily the longest movie I've seen recently. But it is so good visually that there are very few scenes that I would want cut. I also found it strange that there were no Malayalam sub-titles for the English dialogue. Granted 100% literacy and all that, but are all Malayalis expected to be so well-versed with English as to understand British accents?

Oh, and I can't end without a note on the audience. They cheered everything, starting with the 'Special thanks to Mohanlal' legend to the first appearance of Mammootty (the two camps do have a few overlaps, please note) to the hanging of a British officer. It's so true that you may take a Malayali out of Kerala, but not Kerala out of a Malayali. No, not even at a 200-rupee-a-head screening at PVR at 8:30 PM. But Nikhil, with whom I watched the movie, was disappointed - he said the comments were much better at the eleven o'clock show at New Theatre in Trivandrum, where he watched the movie last Saturday. I suspect it was more about the show timings than anything else.

By the way, if you want to know more about the historical setting, you can read Nikhil's review of Pazhassi Raja here.

Bhoomi Malayalam

T. V. Chandran's latest movie Bhoomi Malayalam is a mixture of stories, told from the viewpoints of seven women. The stories span sixty years of Kerala history, and show the difficulties that women undergo because of society and its restrictions. The seven women are from all strata of society: the sportswoman who has to shelve her dreams because of marriage; the factory worker whose brother gets killed in a political clash; the Muslim journalist whose husband doesn't like her profession; the girl whose brother gets stoned to death by the police; the housewife whose husband's first love is Communism; the rich kid whose mind is turned by books; the poor woman who is raped and killed by a rich landlord. The threads of their stories are woven together in this movie.

An excellent concept, yes. Probably a sign of hope in these times when the standards of the Malayalam film industry are said to be dipping. However, having watched the movie, I have to admit that the idea has not been translated to the screen particularly well.

The first problem with the movie is terrible acting. Except for a couple of the actors (I liked the woman who plays the Muslim journalist) most them over-act and ham and generally make the viewer wince. Nedumudi Venu and Indrans, accomplished actors both of them, were on screen for about two minutes each. Secondly, while the women are all linked to each other somehow or the other, the Director decided that he needed another, more obvious link. So he put each of the women in a red stone quarry and made them scream their hearts out, poor things. The pure contrivedness of the gimmick reminded me of a street play I did when I was fifteen. Thirdly, there isn't enough meat to any of the stories. I guess it's tough to give any characterization given that there are seven stories and only ninety minutes, but who asked him to bring in seven stories anyway?

The stories I liked were the sportswoman's and the journalist's - perhaps because of the relatively better acting. I also liked the story set in 1948. Suresh Gopi plays a man who comes to Kannur ostensibly to teach at the local primary school. In reality, he is a 'Commoonist' who has come to give red ideas to the farmers. He soon marries a local woman, and starts leading processions against the local landlord. The story is about the sacrifices that brave and idealistic people made back then in order to bring about social change. Somehow, the story struck a cord within me - perhaps because of the obvious comparison with the sad state of Communism in Kerala today.

I hope that good concepts like these come up more often. And that they are better implemented from now on. Considering the amount of talent we have, it's a shame that the Malayalam film industry has not made its mark anywhere outside.

RDB - Thoughts

**SPOILER ALERT**

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to be one of those controversial reviews of 'Rang De Basanti' that abound in blogosphere. These are merely my thoughts, as a member of the generation that supposedly 'awakens' in the movie. Oh, and it won't make much sense if you haven't seen the movie.

1. I wonder if the director wanted to create a youth movie or an idealistic movie. Perhaps he wanted to merge the two, in which case, the merging was not done very well. The first half is the youth part, with the sort of music that the youth likes, (though I must admit, the music is good - even a person as out of touch with Bollywood music as I am had heard most of the songs, albeit out-of-tune and badly sung by my unmusical friends) and the second half is the unrealistic, idealistic, stupid part.

2. Unrealistic, idealistic, stupid? Certainly. Noone but the stupidest would do what the protagonists in the movie did. There are people I know - Delhi University students just like the people in the movie - who feel as strongly about corruption and female foeticide and all the other issues plaguing our country, but they take out processions and marches. Yes, perhaps the processions have little effect, but then what effect did what the characters in the movie did have? Sure, at the end, they show interviews with college students, in which the tagline of a generation awakening supposedly comes true - but does anyone think that all these people are going to do anything? I feel strongly about India's vote against Iran. I don't think that we should vote with the US, never mind "enlightened national interest". But that does not mean that I'm going to shoot the External Affairs Minister. (Not that we have one at the moment.) Sure, the shooting of the Defence Minister makes for a good scene, but come on - it's unrealistic.

3. I really liked the camaraderie between the members of the gang in the first half of the movie. But I thought the parallels between the members of the Independence movement and these youngsters were too heavily drawn. Especially the Aslam-Lakshman bit at the end, when they die together.

4. And why oh why oh why was India Habitat Centre made out to be Delhi University? Isn't the DU North Campus beautiful enough for them? Did they have to go the rarified intellectual-snob air of the Habitat Centre to get enough privacy to shoot? It's an insult to the brilliant campus that we have that they chose to go elsewhere.

Other than that, though, the locales were spectacular. Where ever it was that they shot, the places were brilliant. In fact, I believe one of the places was Jodhpur.

And what did other people think of the India Gate scene? That a bunch of insensitive young drunks would find India Gate arousing their latent patriotism is something I find hard to believe. Perhaps it was meant to portray their insensitivity? The loud music, the exaggerated salutes, the drunkenness?

5. What was Om Puri doing in the movie, anyway? He was brilliant as usual, of course, but wasted, with about one and a half scenes to his name.

6. The acting was brillaint. And it's not even Aamir Khan - one of the few mainstream Bollywood heroes who, IMO, can act - who walks away with the glory. Every actor plays his part well; every character is brought to life - from the good-natured Aslam to the playful Sukhi to the sensible Sonia to the brooding Karan Singhania with his secret heartache, not to mention the Hindutva proponent turned actor Lakshman Pandey.

7. I was rather thrilled to spot a guy from my college in the movie. He appears in one of the early scenes, in which auditions are being held for the roles of the freedom fighters in the movie, and does a rather funny Shah Rukh Khan imitation. I guess belonging to one of the best dramatics societies in DU does have its advantages.

8. I probably ought to write this post again, with a bit more venom thrown in. Why do people feel that, just because they're young students watching a movie in a group, they have to behave like total clowns? The actor on screen says, "Mein apko kuch bataoon?" and there are shouts of "Haan ji, please, boliye." This happens in every scene.

9. I also had glimpses of the insensitivity of today's youth that the movie portrays. There is this sequence in which Rajguru and Bhagat Singh are holding a hunger strike in order to get paper and pens for writing. Rajguru puts their demand forward and is clouted mid-sentence by one of the British officers. The scene earns laughs from some of the audience. And that too not the sort of quickly stifled laugh that is a reflex response to something that the brain initially processes as slapstick, but is not; a proper belly laugh with no embarrassment, telling me that these people find it amusing that Indian freedom fighters got slapped around (and worse) by the Britishers.

10. This movie has been hailed by a lot of people as a watershed in Bollywood movies. I'm not sure I agree, but perhaps there is a need for such a movie in the context of India today. We do need to be reminded of what people sacrificed for us to enjoy the freedom that we are enjoying today. More than that, we need to know what it was that drove those people - patriotism of a kind that none of us shall ever know.

HP4

(Read on only if you're a Harry Potter fan. Possible spoilers, but what the hell, you'll know the story anyway.)

Ever since the first movie released, I've been wondering about the fourth one. The fourth book is the first of the long ones and I was rather curious to see how they would manage to fit in everything. Well, I got my answer yesterday.

The 1550 show at PVR Priya, and the people milling around are mostly kids; a couple of grownups hover around, clearly uncomfortable among the chattering teenage crowd.

The beginning of the movie brings a huge reaction from the audience. Whoops, whistles and very obviously feminine screams, as if it's a red carpet show, and not a movie screening. More whoops when the title is shown, and you know that it's a movie they've been waiting a long time to see.

The plot, of course, we all know: Harry is in his fourth year at Hogwarts and must compete in the Triwizard Tournament, a highly dangerous tournament between the schools of magic. As for the execution of the plot, the script isn't different from the book at all; to bring in changes, would, of course, have been considered sacrilige by the millions of Harry Potter fans the world over, but having read the book more times than I would care to admit, I did find myself wishing that the scenes weren't so predictable.

The movie mostly does live up to expectations. The special effects are truly spectacular; the dragon, the lake scene, last task - everything is as it should be. Though the Quidditch match, after a brilliant beginning that had me wanting to shout and scream alongside the Quidditch fans in the stadium, is a huge letdown, if I may use that word for something that - well, you'll see. I don't want to spoil it.

However, if you ask me whether I liked the movie - well, no, I didn't. Where this movie lacks is in the atmosphere. They've obviously made a conscious effort to keep it dark, but somehow they can't quite capture that Hogwarts atmosphere that the third one portrayed so well, so that you feel like you're being led through all the important scenes, but there is no connectivity.

Also, of course, they've had to cut out some scenes. Which is justifiable, but they've left out such brilliant pieces of Rowling imagination as Winky, Ludo Bagman and Loony Luna Lovegood. And several of the old characters are missing - Dobby, Mrs Weasley, Sirius Black, and of course, our old friends - the Dementors. Hagrid hardly makes an appearance, and the Dursleys are not even mentioned. I would so love to have watched that Ton Tongue Toffee scene.

Other peeves: the graveyard scene wasn't scary at all - Voldemort is supposed to be sinister and snake-like, not loud and so - well - underwhelmingly evil. Also, whatever happened to the Parting of the Ways? Isn't that almost the most important part of the book? And Dumbledore, as usual, disappoints: there's one scene in which he literally shakes Harry in his anger - and that is NOT in accordance with Dumbledore's character, dammit.

What I love most about the Potter books is the history - Harry's parents, the family connections, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. It's this stuff that makes the books appealing to me. And the movies can never capture that. Even the third movie, which remains my favourite, couldn't quite capture what I consider the most important thing in the third book - the bond of friendship between Harry's father and his friends. This movie, like the previous ones, does make an effort to give us an account of the past, but again, like the previous ones, it doesn't quite succeed.

So, yes, do go and watch it. Even if you don't like it, you'll definitely be mesmerized by the special effects. In fact, I think I'll be watching it again soon.

***

P.S. - Which country is that Krum guy from? Cuz, dude, if they make 'em all like that, I for one am moving to that country, he-he.

Kaal

I can't figure out if it's a good thing to go for a movie with absolutely no expectations in your mind. Having had no T.V. for a long time, I didn't get to see the trailers of Kaal. I pretty much had no idea what the movie was about. I only knew who the lead actors were and that the movie supposedly had something to do with tigers.

I was pleasantly surprised, which is probably an indication of how low my expectations were. There actually were good points to the movie! So if this pseudo-review reads like a lambasting, it's probably because of my anti-Hindi-movie bringing-up.

The Beginning:

It may be that I'm dense, but what exactly is the point of beginning a movie with a dance number featuring a married forty-year-old man, a sultry goddess and a bit of raucous noise that - surely - can't be called music, even in these permissive times? I didn't have to wait long to get my answer. After the butt-shaking ended, the screen informed me that the movie had been Produced by Shah Rukh Khan and Karan Johar.

The scene that introduces John Abraham's character - Krish - should be mandatory viewing for any person who wants to get to know Bollywood. Apparently, a snake has escaped from Krish's private snake zoo and he must run half-naked for about five minutes to catch up with it. And when he does catch up with it, he rolls around in the grass for another five minutes, like he's wrestling a tiger. And then, when he is lying on the grass with the snake wound around his body like a spring, he kisses it. Well, no, he doesn't. But he was going to, before his jealous girlfriend (Ria/Priya - take your pick) interrupted him.

The Plot:

Easy peasy. Apparently, there have been a lot of 'accidents' involving tigers in Orbit National Park in the last two months. Krish has been sent - by National Geographic, no less - to investigate. On the way, he meets a bunch of happy-go-lucky youngsters. They team up, for no reason other than that Krish's jeep broke down. Or maybe it's to make it easier for the director to kill them off one by one.

The Middle:

The movie actually takes off in the middle. It gets smoother; the narrative gets tighter; the tension builds up. Some of the best pieces of acting come in the middle, too. Plus, of course, all the "accidents".

The Actors:

The movie includes some spectacularly bad acting by Vivek Oberoi. One scene in particular stands out clearly in my mind - you'll know which one if you watch the movie. John Abraham didn't really have much to do, except look intense and broody and macho and intelligent - all at once. He manages it quite well and even pulls off the one scene where a bit of emotion is required on his face.

The two ladies don't really have much to do. I don't know how Eshaa Deol thinks she's going to become a popular actress if she keeps accepting roles in which she has nothing to do except look good and smile. Lara Dutta has a bit more of dialogue and she screams quite well in the two - count'em TWO - decapitation scenes.

Ajay Devgan has a rather difficult role to play - witty and brooding and scary at the same time. He does it with his characteristic flair. The minor characters are all well-played. I don't know the names of any of the actors, but boy, they're good.

The Ending:

One got the feeling that the director rushed through the last scenes. The viewer is left with a lot of questions. How do they escape? More importantly, why do they escape? I thought that the twist at the end could have been explored further. (An aside: I don't usually spot twists, but since a review had hinted that this movie did have a twist, I was on the watch for it and I actually did know what was going to happen when it happened.)

I can't understand why the film lets us down at the end. Did the director just get tired of the movie or is it an overenthusiastic editor who is to blame? Either way, the ending is almost as much a letdown as the beginning.

**********

It's not a must watch, but it's definitely worth a watch. There are a couple of creepy scenes; a nice setting; hot babes; at least one hot guy; no songs. Aren't those reasons enough?

Million Dollar Baby

Hers is a life far removed from your own. She grew up as white trash - a trailer, a mom who weighs three hundred and twelve pounds, a jailbird of a brother. Her life had more sorrow than yours ever will. And yet she dared to dream.

Clint Eastwood's movie is all about dreaming. It's about dreaming and working to achieve your dream - no matter how crazy your dream might sound, no matter what the obstacles, no matter how much you have to work.

Most of us are not priviliged enough even to have the ability to dream. And the rest of us, even when we have a dream, deem it unachievable and let it go. Maggie Fitzgerald - Hilary Swank in an unforgettable role - refuses to do so. She is thirty-one years of age and too old to become a boxer - at least according to Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood), a boxing trainer.

But she persists. She saves the money that she earns from her job as a waitress. She eats the leftover food that the diners at her workplace leave behind. She works out in the gym at odd hours of the night. She persists.

Until Dunn sees her potential and takes her on. But he's required merely to guide her. She has the potential. She has the willpower. She has the guts. She is a true champion.

***

Why should you watch this movie?

The three lead actors - Eastwood, Swank and Morgan Freeman (who is his usual brilliant self)- themselves make it worth watching. The film is darkly humourous - if you have the stomach for it. Eastwood, as usual, allows no bright colours in his movie. Everything is dark and "gritty".

Then there's the inspiration factor. Do you have a secret dream that you are holding yourself back from chasing? Just watch the first half of this movie. You'll find yourself biting at the leash.

The last half hour is overwhelmingly sad. I found myself surreptitiously wiping away the tears that had sneaked out all on their own. Yes, it detracts from the inspirational aspect of the movie. Yet, it provides a brilliant canvas for Eastwood and Swank to exhibit their acting prowess.

Reasons not to watch it?

Eastwood sometimes resorts to cliches. The white trash family has no trace of gray in them - they are portrayed as completely evil, greedy people who are blind to their own faults and after only money. And, of course, Dunn and Fitzgerald have no trace of gray in them either - they are wonderful human beings who help out whoever needs them.

***

Overall, the movie definitely lives up to the expectations raised by the fact that it won four of the six most important Oscars. Go watch it. Don't expect to enjoy it. Expect to be sucked out of your life. Expect darkness. Expect joy. Expect tears to stream down your face.

Veer-Zaara

Do NOT watch this movie. No, not even if the alternative is taking a bullet to the head. Because quick death is much better than the slow, agonizing death that will face you in the theatre. 

And die you shall. If not out of boredom, then out of sheer misery. For three hours, you will have to sit in a rustling theatre full of whispering people and watch open-mouthed as Bollywood takes flying leaps over the boundaries of torture that the human mind can suffer. 

The plot? You mean, the sorry excuse for one. Here it is, for what it's worth: An Indian has been lying imprisoned in a Pakistani jail for the past twenty-two years. Finally, a beautiful Pakistani lawyer tries to rescue him. After much cajoling, he deigns to tell her his story: 

Zaara Something Khan, a Pakistani politician's daughter played by the bubbly Preity Zinta, visits India to fulfill the last wish of her late grandmother. On the way, her bus has an accident and who should rescue her but Knight in Shining Armour Squadron Leader Veer Pratap Singh, essayed by the supposedly evergreen Shah Rukh Khan. He, instead of displaying Typical Indian Male Behaviour (TIMB) and molesting her, helps her fulfill grannyji's wish. After that, Zaara asks him what she can give him in return for his timely help. SRK, again eschewing all TIMB, asks for a day. 

Yes, you heard that right, folks. He asks for a day from her precious life so that he can show her his village in the heart of Punjab. On the way, of course, there has to be another song, as our couple prance among sunflower fields and Punjabi kudis. 

Finally, they reach Veeru darling's village. Here, Veeru's Bauji and Mati (I am as clueless as you are as to what that means), played by the genuinely evergreen Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini, welcome them. Needless to say, the whole village falls in love with Zaara, as, of course, does Veeru. Tauji, in fact, inspired by Zaara, starts the village's first girls' school. 

Sadly, they only have a day and Veer-Zaara (yes, now you know what the title means) have to return - Zaara to her palatial Pakistani home and Veer to his duties as Squadron Leader. Veer is about to express his love for her and hence stop her from boarding the train to Pakistan, when, lo and behold, who should arrive but Zaara's fiance. This character, who Zaara has conveniently forgotten to mention to Veer, is played by the amazingly versatile Manoj Bajpai. 

From there, the movie takes the predictable Bollywood movie route - sundered love; the girl has to marry the villain because of family pressure; the boy arrives to rescue her, summoned by the girl's best friend. 

And then comes the *hold your breath* twist: he DOES not carry her off home!! No, respecting the fact that her dear old Daddyji has had a heart attack, he proclaims that he will suffer heart break so that his love's father may live. 

But then, how does he land up in jail? The fiance has him arrested as a spy and tells him, in true Bollywood style, that he will have to sacrifice his life for his lover's. In short, if Zaara is to remain happy in her married life, Veer will have to languish in prison. His very name must be extinguished, so that Zaara doesn't think of him. 

What is the point? I don't know. Do the lovers finally unite? Does Veer get his freedom after all the tense courtroom exchanges? Well, this IS a Bollywood movie, after all. 

Do you need OTHER reasons not watch this movie? Here they are: 

The length: It is about three hours long. I was pretty peeved that I had lost three precious hours of my life to this movie. 

The songs: The characters break into songs every five minutes: they prancer around trees, they hug each other tight, they wave their arms, they emote, they lip-synch. The songs are the worst I've ever heard. I don't know whose they are, but they sound like Anu Malik's. And that's the worst insult I can think of right now. 

The cameos: Every few minutes, another "delightful cameo" steps on the screen. The list is long: Amitabh Bachchan, Hema Malini, Manoj Bajpai, Anupam Kher, that dreadful Punjabi singer. How many can you tolerate? Trust me, there will be one more than that number. 

The languages: Half the time, they are speaking in Punjabi. And the rest of the time, they are speaking in Urdu. Being Mallu, I wouldn't have understood a damn thing if I hadn't had trusty Sahaj at my side to translate. Thank God I was with three Punjabis. Or not. They kept laughing at jokes that I didn't get. Though they DID say SRK's Punjabi sucked.